So I know it's been awhile since my last post. I'm not going to lie and say I've been too busy to write, or some other lame excuse for not posting anything for 17 days. Although I did write several paragraphs the other day, which all got deleted prior to saving. No, I've just been too lazy or too wired.
But right now I'm feeling kind of cathartic. I saw Hannah Montana again and cried during the Climb, again. I think it's because I can really connect to the words because I guess I sorta feel the same way. And when she sings, "Keep your faith, keep the faith," I pretty much just break down because I find it so hard to keep faith, since I don't have a legit faith and I doubt myself so much. I don't have anything to believe in except myself, and sometimes that gets tough, you know? Also, when I watch the movie and I see Billy Ray Cyrus's face when his daughter is singing, and it's so full of pride and emotion and I've never seen my dad look at me that way. I'm so jealous of her closeness with her father because I don't have that and probably never will. I just feel like he doesn't respect me like he should, and I sure don't respect him like I should. I've grown up almost without a father figure. It's so sad to me. I don't think I will ever see the way Billy Cyrus's face look on my dad ever. I'm never going to be good enough for that. He doesn't even respect me enough to mind my privacy. I've told him so many times to not look at my texts and just tonight he was reading them. I'm so mad at him. I don't know how many times he's said he's sorry, but you'd think after enough times he'd realize he wasn't doing something the right way and change that. He isn't actually sorry about it at all. You didn't have to get married, you didn't have to have me, stop blaming me for everything that's wrong with you, please!

I'm fifteen and I'm unhappy with my life. It's not enough, it's never enough, and I can't keep the faith because I have none. What a sorry person.